A photograph published by the Associated Press shows what appears to be marijuana enthusiast Michael “Phour Twenty” Phelps winning eight Gold Medals at the 2008 Summer Olympics. Phelps has admitted to the gold medal use in a recent interview hoping to squash further rumors that may tarnish his street cred among fellow stoners.
“My bad, dudes.” Phelps stated, fighting back tears. “The last thing I wanted to do was to bum out all my buddies and be a major buzzkill.” “In a way I’m glad this photo came out because I think I had hit rock bottom and needed help.” Phelps admitted that this was not the first time he had been awarded gold medals. “Back in 2004, I was up to six gold medals per Olympics. I was only smoking 3 times a day and hadn’t downloaded a Phish live show in I can’t remember how long.” Friends also noticed Phelps displaying some bizarre behavior. Stephen “SmokeDawwwwg” Stanslowski stated “Me and the bros thought something was up when Phour Twenty was only downing 12,000 calories a day. Dude usually eats that much at IHOP after wake n’ bake.”
The future may be rough for Phelps. In addition to his “chill dude” status being in jeopardy, he stands to lose endorsements. Local Seven-Eleven employee, Carl “Party Carl” Thorpe, is rethinking his exclusive 50% off Taquitos and Swisher Sweets deal with Phelps. “He was such a cool dude, I had no problem hooking him up with the ‘Quitos and blunts. Now, I just don’t know bro, he’s all about this swimming stuff and it’s just a total bummer.” Phelps recognizes the damage this photograph has done and pledges to repair his identity. “No more pools for me.” Phelps promised, “The only time I’m going to be near water is when I’m refilling my bong.” Phelps is not swearing off sports completely, he has tentatively agreed to represent Team USA in the hackey sack and frisbee golf portions of the 2010 High Times Summer Games.