BOSTON, MA – Blame continues to get tossed around after it was revealed that teammates David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez tested positive for PEDs in 2003. David Ortiz recently pointed his finger at the man who hired him, Theo Epstein.
“I should have seen it coming,” said an angry Ortiz. “Why else would he want to me to eat so many hot dogs prepared by his ‘personal chef.’”
Ortiz alleges that after being waived by the Twins, Epstein approached him with interest in signing him to the Red Sox.
“He basically just walked around me a couple of times, saying things like, ‘That frame should hold some muscle,’ and ‘You’re just fat enough to look natural.’ I thought he was just being nice.”
Ortiz admits that he’s at fault for not realizing it sooner, and not being able to control himself, “I mean these hotdogs were juicy, and huge.”
When he asked why they were so plump, Epstein responded, “They’re just pumped full of love. Love that will make you better and stronger.”
Epstein refused to comment on the allegations stating that he didn’t have the time and we didn’t have the money.