Many American’s are up in arms about the current Health Care Reform Bill. While much of this is attributed to idiots like Glenn Beck claiming that helping poor people is un-American (“I was born white, why did he choose not to be”), there are also some controversial policies tucked away in the 1,000+ page report. Roof Monkeys took on the arduous task of reading every last word to find out what has really gotten these people riled up:
- Mandatory dental appointments for all Hillbilly’s, Red Necks, mouth-breathers, inbreds, yokels, country folk, NASCAR fans, and the state of Alabama
- Affirmative Action now applies to doctor’s waiting room
- To save money, hospital gowns will now end at the belly button
- “Free health care for all” actually just 30-day risk-free trial
- Only applies to lower 48 states
- Preexisting conditions now include constipation and hunger
- PhDs will be now serve as surgeons and physicians
- Coverage excludes any Nacho Cheese-related injury
- No “Death Panels” but there is a Death Panel of One, and it ain’t Jesus. Here’s a hint: He wear’s a turban.
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