Sunday, August 9, 2009

Hillary Clinton to Negotiate Return of Elian Gonzalez to U.S.

WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of her husband's negotiated return of two captured American journalists from North Korea, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she would be travelling to Cuba to facilitate the return of former Cuban refugee Elian Gonzalez to the United States. As a child, Gonzalez was the center of a highly publicized international custody battle between family members in the United States and Cuba.

Gonzalez, 15, stated that he has not reached out to Secretary Clinton or has any interest in returning to the United States.

“I am very happy here living with my father in Cuba,” Gonzalez said. “I don't know why the scary pantsuited lady called my father, but my dad said we might be able to meet Bill Clinton which would be muy bueno!”

Many are quesitoning Sec. Clinton's motives for the negotiation. US Weekly reported that a source in Sec. Clinton's inner circle said “This is totally pay back for Bill picking up those two Chinese chicks last week!” Sources also indicated that Sec. Clinton plans on deleting Mr. Clinton's TIVO season passes and flirting with the black guy at work.

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