Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Canseco starts tell-all blog

In his latest attempt to be an asshole, Jose Canseco has launched a tell-all blog, www.ihave28inchbicepsandknowallsteroidsecrets.com.  Intended to out more athletes as steroid users, the blog fails to deliver as a trustworthy source. Though many of Canseco's past accusations have proved true, his current stories of steroid abuse seem to be completely fabricated. In a post on June 23rd, while apparently reading through the Rays roster, Canseco admits to doing steroids with a then 12-year-old Evan Longoria.

"Lets see. Evan Longoria, oh man, this kid has been using for years. I was out in Cali meeting with Little Leaguers to discuss the dangers of doing steriods. While I'm talking I see this one kid who's clearly not buying what I'm selling. So after I'm done speaking I decide to test him. I take him behind the snackbar and ask him if he wants the truth. Of course he says yes, so I break out a syringe and some juice. He cautiously asked what'll happen, so I tell him the only answer. 'Your dreams will become reality," then jammed a needle into his thigh. The rest is history.”

Aside from claiming that 95% of all athletes have done steroids, Canseco also makes claims that some of the mascots in professional sports are juicing.

“You think Bonds has a big head? Have you seen Mr. Met. That’s the guy that put Radmonski on the map. Have you seen him pump up those fans and take pictures with kids? Where do you think all that energy comes from? It’s not Wheaties.”

Canseco's blog also delves into his own personal dilemmas and apparently ongoing steroid use. In one recent post he discusses his decision to defend Roger Clemens. After admitting he's lying, the post digresses into the first captured incident of roid-rage on a blog.

  "Man, this Roger thing is really getting to me. I mean, yeah, it's fun to mix everything up and defend one of my oldest juicing buddies, but I just want to out him so badly. But the thing is, every word I've spoken up until this has been true, so they have no choice but to believe me. Those morons can't deny my superior knowledge of the steroid underworld. My case is fuckin bulletproof. You know what else is bulletproof? These fuckin pecs! Yeah baby, you like that. I don't use that HGH pansy shit they give to your grandma for wrinkles. FUCK THAT SHIT! FUCK IT!! I GO STRAIGHT EIGHTIES STYLE! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! All these fucking losers today, using steroids to get healthly. Why doesn't your fucking boyfriend take care of you? I use steroids to go to the top. I'm bigger than you, stronger. I can type faster than you. You can't blog like this! My fuckin blog is out of fucking control!"

While this would certainly be case for discussion, it won't take place on Canseco's message boards. This is due to his warning that "Any pussies who think I'm wrong will be beaten." In addition to daily blog posts the site offers a text message newsletter telling you which athlete in the news that morning was "totally a juicer." 


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